Hey everybody! Happy Wednesday! This week is going by quickly, which is awesome eheh
So, yesterday I went to the gym, did the usual thing (cardio + weights + cardio + abs + stretch), went to Celeiro (translation: Barn! – > health food store) and bought a couple of new things. I seriously cannot go to that store.. I end up walking around for 15/20 minutes just looking at everything, deciding what I’m gonna buy. Their stores are never big so that’s a lot of time to spend there ahah
I ended up buying some stuff that I’ll show you in a minute.
When I came home I knew I had to eat something because it had been more than 4 hours since I’d eaten. I had half an apple.
After about half an hour it was time for lunch. So really, the apple was the prelude to lunch.
One of the things I bought at the health food store was this loaf of bread.
It’s whole wheat, no salt. Perfect for me. Of course I had to have it for lunch. More like two slices of it.
One triangle of Laughing Cow Light Cheese. First time eating one of these. I’d only tried the regular one when I was young(er) and I wasn’t really a fan. Now, it’s not my fav but I like that they’re little pieces of cheese so there’s not going overboard there.. instant portion control. And they don’t taste bad! So it’s nice to have it around in case I feel like it. Also, a slice of turkey ham.
A bit of leftover spinach soup. It still tastes amazing.
The afternoon was spent in a near comatose state. I was really tired, don’t know why. I just read blogs, commented, watched a couple of TV shows (MAD MEN IS LOVE).
At about 4:30pm it was snack time. I had the other half of that apple and a lemon yogurt. This is so creamy and delicious.
I ate a plum before dinner. I was really craving carbs (you know, REAL CARBS, like bread and stuff ahah) but a plum seemed like a better option.
Dinner was squid and salad.
Om nom nom. I had a bit more squid than that and more salad.
Today’s breakfast was a novelty!
Greek Yogurt with granola and a small sliced banana.
This was a HUGE breakfast for me. It’s been 3 hours since I ate it and I’m not even thinking about a snack. It’s just not happening
Honestly, the greek yogurt was good, pretty good actually. Not amazing though (high expectations, much?). I will probably buy like 1 container per week from now on so I can have it around for a snack (or several, since it’s pretty big). How do you like your greek yogurt, hm?
I think the fact that this granola wasn’t all that didn’t help at all. I’d never tried granola before, btw. It just didn’t taste good to me. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t like granola (I don’t think that’s it) or if it’s because this brand sucks. I’ll keep trying to see if I find a brand that I like. I’m stubborn like that.
Now, I’ve been thinking about something lately.. it’s been on my mind a lot and I wanted to share it with you guys.
A couple of days ago I was on my way to the gym. I catch the train and I’m listening to music, distracted, as I usually am on public transportation.
I then notice a guy is looking at me. Ok, that’s nice, I guess. I always feel a bit uncomfortable when I see that someone’s staring at me but whatever. It’s a bit of an ego booster too so I just try to ignore it. And then, I notice another guy looking at me. Ok. This isn’t very normal…
That’s when I started thinking:
Why are they looking at me now? Why didn’t anybody look at me when I was… 25 pounds heavier for example?
I caught myself thinking that and I came to one conclusion…
I really resent the fact that people treat me differently now that I’m a thin person (more like average, but you know what I mean).
I know it sounds silly but bear with me.
A year ago, those guys would never have looked at me, I know that. And it’s not just that, I mean, I notice it in pretty much everything. People are nicer, in general. And this should be a good thing, and it is, but why now? Am I a different person? I don’t really think so. I’m the same sarcastic, kinda nice kinda not (depends on the time of the day and my general mood, honestly), with a big sense of humor, kinda self conscious and introvert girl. I’m not a social butterfly in the least. Most people think I’m arrogant (am not!) just because I’m not a big talker at first.
So what changed? My appearance.
I know it’s stupid to still hold onto my “former self”. The past is in the past.. But you know, it was a whole life… A whole life of people treating me like shit, of ME treating me like shit because the world treated me like shit. I cannot forget being made fun of, not fitting into clothes, eating because I was miserable.. It just doesn’t go away like that.
And honestly, I don’t think I want to forget! I don’t want to forget some of the things I went through. They keep me motivated, grounded. And mostly, they made me learn that EVERYBODY should be respected. Skinny, average, fat, tall, short, black, white, poor, rich and everything in between.
So, no. I will not forget.
HOWEVER, I do want to let it go. Not forget it or forget what I’ve learned from that experience… but accept that things are different now. Guys will look at me, people will be nice… and they don’t know that I was fat. So, the issue is really in my head and I’m aware of that. These conflicting feelings are really confusing.
I hope this didn’t offend anybody. These are my experiences (it is my blog, so duh ) and I’m sharing them with you, no matter how silly they seem. I also hope that this wasn’t too incoherent.. Sometimes I have a really hard time expressing myself.
Anyway, on a lighter note… Here’s today’s picture of the day.
Hope you have a great day.