Exposed… but not physically.
So, I’ve been trying to gather the courage to talk about this here.
I’ve hinted here that I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). A few weeks ago I went to a psychiatrist for the first time to be properly diagnosed and whatnot. I went and we talked for more than an hour about my life. And I mean my whole life. Bizarre. But good, that someone actually listened.
And yes, I do have ADD. But what the doctor said was “So there are several issues here..” and he started talking about depression.
I’m going to be totally honest here and explain why I was surprised. I mean, I know I’m “depressed” sometimes and that I have issues and that I’m not exactly an happy-go-lucky kind of person. I’m just not. Never was.
When I thought about someone with depression, I honestly didn’t think about myself. I’m not exactly a “poster child” for depression, that’s what I mean. I laugh, I make jokes, I have an awesome sense of humor, I talk to people, I hang out with my friends, etc. So, even though I’m in this almost constant tortured state of mind, I just figured this was me. This is who I am, a tortured person. With good things and some (very) bad things too.
And it was strange. When the doctor said that.. I was relieved. Weird right? But true. I was relieved because I found out that no, I’m not supposed to be this way. I’m not supposed to feel so sad and anxious about everything in my life. And I can do something about it. Oh, I’m aware that this isn’t something that just goes away… but now I know. It’s here and we’re dealing with it. I’m on medication now and I don’t know if it’s working yet, honestly. In a couple of weeks I’m going to the doctor again and we’ll see how things are going then.
I don’t know why I chose to share this here. I mean, this is a healthy living blog, it’s not just about food and the gym. Life has many layers, good and bad. And also, I think it’s because it may help someone out there decide that it’s time to go to the doctor. Or it may help someone else finally realizing that maybe that friend/family member/whatever isn’t just “sad” and there may be more to it than that. I don’t know. It’s just good to come clean. It’s kind of a taboo and it shouldn’t be.
So now that I’ve shared that, I’m sharing this: